Looking Good and Feeling Good, The Internal and External View
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“Oh, you look good!” I would hear that as I was slowly dying inside. Those words meant nothing to me as I was in a very ugly place on the inside. How I looked and how I felt did not add up.
Looking good and feeling good can go hand in hand yet sometimes they can be complete opposites.
Does Looking Good Really Matter?
Of course, looking good matters. Its how some people complete themselves for the day. They take pride in looking their best, it makes them feel good. Well, I can tell you that at this time in my life, I did NOT FEEL good. It didn’t matter how well put together I looked, it still wasn’t FEELING it. For me, that was HUGE.
You can paint on all the makeup in the world, have the latest fashions and look like one of those people on a magazine BUT if you don’t have a positive attitude towards yourself, none of that matters.
So when I would hear someone say “But you look fine. ” OR “You look good!” I wasn’t even hearing it. In my head, I wanted to shout at them and say… IT’S NOT ABOUT A DAMN LOOK, I FEEL LIKE SHIT! Those words were like nails on a chalkboard to me.
How I Was Feeling and WHY
I can’t really give you the WHY of it all because I really don’t know. I’m sure some of it was self-confidence and the fact that I just felt like things were not quite right in my life at the time. See, your look says nothing about what may or may not be going on in your life.
This may all sound self-centered but in my head, I hated my body and the way it looked. Seriously, I’m in health and fitness, I am supposed to LOOK a certain way and I just didn’t fit that part…OR was that all in my head?
When I think back to that time, I feel like there was more going on that a weight issue or body shaming moment. I’m pretty sure things were a little rocky in my personal life and it was reflecting on how I FELT about a lot of things. As to what was going on, I’ll leave that chapter out of this story for now as it is something I do not wish to share just yet.
Why FEELING Good Matters More
Here’s the deal. For some reason during that time of my life, when things were not quite going well, I turned to body shaming to “get through it”. I guess when there are things going wrong in our lives, we sometimes turn to something different or focus on something different than the actual issue at hand that may be causing the ill feelings. That’s pretty much where I was at.
It’s kind of like I always say about medical issues and finding the root cause. My looks were NOT really the ROOT cause of it. It was something inside of me that was tearing me up and causing me to focus on things that I thought were wrong with me and my body.
I knew if I didn’t find out what was REALLY bothering me, the issue would get worse and I would never FEEL good about myself or anything else for that matter. It’s like a snowball when it starts rolling, it just picks up more “snow” (SHIT) on the way downhill. At that point, everything and anything can get in the way of how you feel.
I knew I had to get over it
Ahh, GET OVER IT? I hate that phrase. I prefer to say…GET THROUGH IT because, in all reality, we may never GET OVER something that was bothering us. We need to learn how to cope and get through in order to feel good from the inside out. Say what? YES, certain things we go through in life may never completely be gone. There are always reminders and learning how to cope help tremendously.
So what in the world did I do to get through it all? Now let me just say, I knew what I was feeling and why I was feeling that way was not the end of the world for me but I also knew it was something I had to work on myself in order to FEEL human again.
I began to listen to self-help podcasts and explore things about my feelings. Yep, it’s totally okay to get in touch with your feelings. My mindset needed a reset for sure. I can also tell you that I had a few good people that I knew I could trust with what I was comfortable letting out and they would just LISTEN.
Once I started to get to the bottom and the actual ROOT CAUSE I noticed all the things that I was stressing over that made me not like myself or how I looked or felt, started to fade away. I actually didn’t even notice those things I thought were wrong with me anymore.
Now don’t get me wrong, they do tend to sneak up on me but as time had gone on, I have learned how to work through it all so I don’t get stuck in that ugly place again. It’s so unhealthy to stay stuck in those ugly places, it really was not serving me well.
Having a Healthy Lifestyle
Feeling good and looking good can go hand in hand if and when it all aligns with your health from the inside out. I needed a little inside tweaking before I could fully love myself, body and all, through it all.
You may notice something that is not quite right in one area and it may reflect a different area of your life. So many different things can be making us feel and act these ways. Things like a bad job, stress, a bad relationship, or even something from our past that we don’t quite understand. These things contribute to your health in so many ways that you may not even realize.
In order to FEEL health along with LOOK healthy, you have to start from the inside out and always look to address the root cause in order to come full circle.
It’s still not about a look for me
It really isn’t about a look for me. I mean, I like to put on the makeup and dress in things other than leggings or sweats BUT I am pretty okay if that is my attire for the day. See, now, when someone tells me, “You look good Mel.” I smile and thank them and know that the real reason I look good is that I FEEL confident and I know I have worked hard at becoming comfortable with myself and where I’m at in life.
I take that compliment and know that my inside is shining on my outside and THAT is what is making me look good. For me, it’s a lot more than whether or not I am wearing the latest fashion or if I will impress others with how I look that way. It’s more about how I FEEL on the inside and how I am wearing that!
Helping Others FEEL good
I really work on incorporating things like this into my health coaching because I find more and more of my clients need to address the feel part of it all. It really is great to watch them work through their feelings and come out confident and strong on the other side. I love watching them realize things about themselves and see it all come full circle as they focus on the root causes and the rest falls into place. It’s truly an amazing experience.
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