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Covid-19 Can Go FUCK ITSELF!!!

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Yes, I said it. I’m allowed aren’t I?

Honestly, I have had enough.

Before I put my opinions out there, because I believe we ARE STILL allowed to have them…Let me just say this…

I know it’s out there. I have close family and friends working these units. I know a few people who have had it. I’m not downplaying anything or trying to be insensitive so please step off if you are going to try to silence what I am about to say with throwing the death toll at me and the fact the the medical workers will be upset if you share this with them. I get it!

The End of the Line…and TP as we once knew it

March 13th, 2020…the official last day of the 2020 school year. Toilet paper seems to be something of the past to find fully stocked on a damn shelf but “we’re all in this together.”

PLEASE, don’t say that. Maybe we want to think we’re all in this together but we’re not. I have never seen such ignorance all around in my life. Everyone knows the answer and whatever you think or say is wrong.

Let’s talk about what covid-19 is doing to people. YES. I know there have been a lot of people who have died…ALONE and without their family by their side for that matter. I find that sad. YES..I know people in the medical field are spent and mentally exhausted.

I have never really been a numbers person but it seems we are so damn scare of this and I get it…it’s so new and seems to change on the daily. I do wonder though, if heart disease and cancer were contagious, what this world would do. Have you ever looked at those numbers? I have recently…they are insane.

As soon as someone, ANYONE tries to put it on the bright side…there’s always someone coming back at them yelling about how many people died and we should all stay home. Some people try to look on the bright side of things…wouldn’t it be nice if we let them do that?

It’s unfortunate that people had to die. It is in any case. However, people pass away every day. STILL, not being insensitive. I’m just trying to put it out there from a different perspective.



My perspective…I’m allowed. Right?

Here’s what I see. I see people scared, pissed, anxious, sad, depressed and some are totally okay with things. ( I pretty much described an hour of my day) Some of us go through so many emotions and then if we vent about it or, heaven forbid, post on social media about it…we have our asses chewed out.

I can tell you that one minute I’m in a complete panic because I don’t know the right thing to do. I refuse to let this shit show be the “new normal”…nope, can’t do it.

Crying and having mini-meltdowns in the shower has become a daily routine for me. How’s that for normal? I’m sorry but there is nothing normal about what is going on right now.

I’m over it.

Here’s a little story

About 17 years ago, I was diagnosed with mild anxiety, depression and OCD…welcome to my world, friend…Maybe now, you’ll understand a different perspective. I worked through it and pretty much conquered it. I found ways to cope and supplements to calm my ass down. Life was somewhat back on track. In situations where I would have, in the past, freaked out I was able to “blow it off” and move on. Of course I have good days and bad days but the bad days were way easier to manage…

Not so much now…

Yep, welcome back anxiety, depression and OCD. ALL OF THE THINGS THAT HELPED ME have basically been taken away because of this bull shit. I know mental health issues are on the rise right now because of all of this. I know suicide rates are rising. Is that enough for anyone to open up their eyes and be a little more compassionate?

My mood changes daily, and now it’s almost hourly. I’ll just start crying because my thoughts get the best of me. This completely sucks and I hate every minute of it.

I don’t expect everyone to understand. Matter of fact, I’m sure I’ll be called selfish..that seems to be the new word for anyone who thinks this is absolutely insane. Anyone who thinks differently than the media is putting out there.

I don’t watch the news so I have no idea what I am supposed to be afraid of or how I am supposed to think..yep, sorry..they lie about shit and blow it out of proportion. Shit, they’ve been lying about the damn weather since I was 8 …so how can you believe everything they say?

Am I scared?

Yep, sure am. I don’t think I’m scared of this virus as much as I am with what is happening to humanity. It’s so fucked up, I swear. the attacks and the political bull shit. SERIOUSLY!! Get a damn grip people.

If you question anything outside of what the news says, you’re an asshole. Well, I must be an asshole because I have a multitude of questions. Does anyone REALLY know WTF is going on? I don’t think so.

Maybe my scared is different than yours. Again, it changes now hourly thanks to this bull shit.

I’m scared of what this word is becoming. I’m scared of it REALLY becoming the “new normal” ( sorry, I refuse! ) I’m scared of the future for our kids. I’m scared for both my sister in laws who are working in the hospitals.

I refuse to let fear rule my life though…try that when you have a tad bit of OCD. It’s quite a battle these days. I can’t live my life in fear. If I do, I’m missing out on actually LIVING!!

I think that’s what they want us to feel. Be afraid and we’ll save you. HOW?

How should I feel?

There are days where I’m like… well, how should I feel today? It’s like I’m waiting for someone to tell me. Again, so many questions and what if’s…

Is it okay if I express my feelings and say I want things to start to open up?

Is it okay if I have 87 million questions?

Is it okay if I let my kids hang out with their friends?

Is it okay if I see my family now?

It it okay for me to go back to work?

Can I just go to Home Depot?

Do I stay home until the very last person who is scared is no longer scared?

When is the right time?

All questions that everyone else seems to want to have the answers to…See, if you answer these “wrong” you are “Selfish”.

I expressed my feelings as snot and tears ran down my face the other day and said “I just don’t know when the right time is supposed to be.”



It’s time to get back to NORMAL

I’m sure many people would both agree and disagree with me on this one…I’m totally okay with that though. I understand that we are all in different places with this….again, no where near being “IN THE SAME BOAT”. Shit, I’m in a different one daily and sometimes I’m completely underwater…how could I even think we are all in the same damn boat if I don’t even know which fucking one I am in myself?

I completely respect and understand that everyone has their own thoughts and feelings about all of this. We’re still allowed that…aren’t we? I just wanted to check in on that one more time before I move on with this.

I get that some people are scared. I get that some people feel like they have been completely lied to and feel caged up. I’m somewhere in the middle of that but I’m ready to start returning to our regularly scheduled program before the people in the white coats have to come get me.

I swear every day when something new opens up, people are having pissing matches with one another about whether or not things should open back up.

Here’s a little “neutral” perspective I saw today. I felt the need to share it. 


“I am seeing so much anxiety about resuming business, and so much anger about continued regulations. People are feeling the need to catapult to one side or the other, then fight the opposition.

Here’s my perspective, from a mainstream medical model. I think a lot of folks have fallen into the idea that social distancing was meant to stop the viral spread. It wasn’t-it was meant to SLOW it while we put medical infrastructure in place. It has worked. We have, in most parts, not been overwhelmed like we likely would have been without protective measures. In the meantime, our testing procedures have gotten better. We’ve increased our ventilator count. We’ve gotten a little better handle on PPE supply chains, and many have helped by making masks and gowns. It’s not perfect, but it’s much better than it was seven weeks ago.

A vaccine is a long way off and not everyone will choose to get it. That is their choice. At some point, people have to be systematically exposed to begin the building of (hopeful) herd immunity. We will likely begin to experience a real increase in cases after reopening. Ideally, that exposure is controlled and calculated, in phases, to allow our medical community to respond adequately, and reduce the number of severe or fatal cases. That’s where we are.

Whether you feel like opening is too soon, or not soon enough, we were never going to social distance this thing into nonexistence. You now need to proceed as your health, wallet, and conscience allow.

If you are medically vulnerable, you do not need to be a part of what is about to happen. Stay home if you can. If you’re not, or if your financial vulnerability trumps your health concerns, you need to proceed in ways that continue to protect yourself, and the elderly and medically vulnerable around you.

All of us need to calm down. Quit telling people who are financially struggling that they don’t care about human lives. Quit telling people who are truly at risk of dying from this virus that they are cowering in fear. Remember that until you’ve walked in someone else’s shoes, you should probably be careful in your judgments and subsequent harsh words.

We don’t HAVE to choose an either/or proposition and fight. We could choose other ways to be. Examples include but are not limited to:

“I think this may be too soon, so I will continue to shelter myself, and pray/make masks/ check on those who can’t.”

“I really need to go back to work, so I will do so, but I will be careful and try to protect myself, my family, and those around me with healthy strategies.”

See how those positions allow each of us to do what we need to, and also respect those who are choosing differently?

One thing that allows us to do this is humility. I can acknowledge that I am not an epidemiologist/economist/whatever, that I am making decisions based on my understanding of complex subjects and my own personal health and financial situation, that I am not all-knowing, always right, and an expert in all fields, and that each person around me is doing their best too. We can make different choices and still be a supportive community. We can learn and evolve in our understanding of these issues.

Give one another the benefit of the doubt and the compassion of compromise.

?Prayers for everyone in making their own personal decision. prayers for our first responders and health care workers, and for those essential workers on the front lines.
(Author unknown)????
#bekind ?”

I felt this was so on point and I had to share it.

It’s not all black and white

One last thing that I find refreshing…when you can have a conversation with someone who is not just black or white. Theres this thing in the middle….GRAY! That’s where I am and probably will always be with most things in this world. I’m still allowed…right? I just wanted to check one last time to be sure.

Final Thoughts:

Here’s the thing…I NEED to get my life back. I NEED to have what was familiar to me and my routine back in my life. I feel like each damn day that this bull shit continues, I lose myself. I lose who I fought to become and it fucking sucks!

Do I want to rush to the restaurants when they open or hurry to the mall…uhhh not so much. I’m honestly not that much of a people person. Plus, I’d rather not return to things when they still appear to be in the twilight zone. I’d just like to know it’s there should I choose to go.

I hope that if you have made it this far in this blog that maybe…just maybe you can see things from other points of view and be okay with that. Heck, maybe you feel like you are slowly losing your shit like I am…welcome to my world, glad to have you in it.

I think if anything, I would like you to seek first to understand, then be understood. EVEN when it’s difficult. If you really seek to understand, you cannot have already judged a person or situation. You need to develop a desire to understand — meaning a desire to see things from others’ point of view, to see their reasons, and feel what they feel.

You don’t have to agree with another person in order to understand. We don’t always have to agree with one another but it’s important that we learn to respect each other.


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Hey there, I'm Melanie. I help women DITCH THE DIET MENTALITY and reclaim their health through mindful eating, hormone balancing, stress management, and digestive healing.

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